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Our communication and negotiation skills
Unit 2 and 3.
On his way to work, Carl uses his cellular phone from his car to remind his secretary at the office to fax certain reports to Chicago. Pam, his wife, already at her desk, checks the electronic mail on her computer terminal for any messages regarding the teleconference she will attend later that day. At work, Carl and Pam epitomize modern, sophisticated users of high-tech telecommunications. At home, they are more old-fashioned.
Last night, Carl and Pam had another of their yelling matches on the same old recurring themes: he doesn’t listen to her, she nags him. After the argument, he marched off in a silent rage, and she burst into tears. You see, Carl and Pam also epitomize today’s young married couple who doesn’t know how to communicate.
All around us we notice that in the use of slick telecommunication, today’s society is futuristic, light-years ahead of its time. And yet when it comes to interpersonal communication, we often trudge along like grunting cave dwellers.
Communication between a husband and wife is an absolute necessity! But communication involves more than just the mouth and the ears. It involves the total person: eyes, hands, mind, heart. Communication between you and your partner cannot incorporate the cold transmission of information, as it does when Carl is on his cellular phone or Pam is at her computer terminal. True communication between loving partners must involve, on both sides, a warm sharing of self. It must involve the total giving of yourself to your partner.
Effective interpersonal communication does not come easily. It requires certain skills that don’t come naturally and are therefore often overlooked. These skills need to be learned. Because people in our society are poor at negotiating differences and haven’t actually learned any good ways to do it, they often resort to negative behaviours such as yelling, abuse, defensive attitudes, silent treatments, or cheap verbal shots. In the world outside your marriage, these techniques will classify you as aggressive at worst. In the world of your marriage, they may destroy the relationship. Destructive fighting tears down, destroys, takes life away. Constructive fighting builds up, enhances, gives life to marriage.
I was amazed at how many bumps, bruises, and scrapes my twin nephews got when they were young, in the course of a day. But we’re even more amazed at how fast the “boo-boos” heal. Their young bodies quickly recuperate. Though we’re not ancient, we notice that on our bodies such scrapes and bumps take a lot longer to heal. And the individuals in the twilight years of their lives realize that some bruises never heal.
Your marriage is similar. While it’s still very young, it has an amazing capacity for self-mending. The two of you are able to bounce back from a destructive fight relatively quickly, and the fight leaves no apparent scar. But as your marriage matures, its resilience diminishes. Scars form. Repercussions from destructive fights remain.
This is why it is very important to establish good skills for fair fighting now while your marriage is young. Disagreements are inevitable, even necessary for a strong, lasting relationship. But they can be expressed in a life-giving and constructive way. If you are practicing destructive fighting techniques now, chances are you will begin to develop more lasting scars.
In the units on communication and conflict, we will focus on how well you think you communicate as a couple. The questions will reflect this focus, and will also ask you to look at how you fight. We have also listed some tried and true rules for disagreements; you can tear this page out and hang it on your refrigerator.
One final note. We have found one of the best ways to witness your partner’s true colours before you marry is to have a fight of substantial weight. We don’t mean a little nagging, recurring squabble, but a serious disagreement. T oo often, engaged couples avoid discussing an issue they know will erupt into a fight, hoping that somehow the wedding will make it all O.K. We think that this is a mistake. We’re not advocating that you fabricate a fight just because we suggest it will help your relationship! Rather we are saying that you should not avoid fighting before the wedding (or after the wedding). When you’re angry, upset, or hurt, and you attempt to communicate that to the one you love, your true self emerges. Facades tumble. Pretences vanish. How you “look” is no longer important. You’re hurt or angry and you want your partner to know it! If you don’t like what you see in your partner or yourself when you fight, then you probably won’t like what you see in your marriage down the road. The quality of your fighting now, before you marry, may indicate the quality of your future marriage.
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komunikazzjoni u ħiliet tan-negozjar tagħna
Unità 2 u 3.
Fi triqtu lejn ix-xogħol, Carl juża telefon ċellulari tiegħu mill-karozza tiegħu biex tfakkar segretarju tiegħu fl-uffiċċju li fax ċerti rapporti lill Chicago. Pam, martu, diġà fuq l-iskrivanija tagħha, kontrolli l-posta elettronika fuq tagħmir terminali kompjuter tagħha għal xi messaġġi dwar il-telekonferenza hi se jattendu aktar tard dik il-ġurnata. Fuq ix-xogħol, Carl u Pam epitomize moderna, l-utenti sofistikati ta ‘telekomunikazzjoni ta’ teknoloġija għolja. Fid-dar, huma aktar antikwata.
Ieri, Carl u Pam kellhom ieħor ta ‘logħbiet yelling tagħhom fuq l-istess temi rikorrenti qodma: hu ma jisimgħu lilha, hi nags lilu. Wara l-argument, huwa marched off Rage siekta, u hi jinfaqax fis-tiċrit. You see, Carl u Pam epitomize wkoll koppja miżżewġa żgħażagħ tal-lum li ma jkunx jaf kif jikkomunikaw.
Kollha madwarna aħna avviż li fl-użu ta ‘telekomunikazzjoni roqgħa, is-soċjetà tal-lum hija futuristiku, dawl snin qabel iż-żmien tiegħu. U għadhom meta niġu għall-komunikazzjoni interpersonali, aħna sikwit trudge flimkien bħal grunting joqgħod grotta.
Komunikazzjoni bejn raġel u mara hija ħtieġa assoluta! Iżda komunikazzjoni jinvolvi aktar minn sempliċiment il-ħalq u l-widnejn. Dan jinvolvi l-persuna totali: għajnejn, idejn, moħħ, qalb. Komunikazzjoni bejnek u l-partner tiegħek ma tista ‘tinkorpora t-trażmissjoni kiesaħ ta’ informazzjoni, bħal meta Carl huwa fuq telefon ċellulari tiegħu jew Pam huwa fil computer terminal tagħha. komunikazzjoni Veru bejn l-imsieħba loving għandu jinvolvi, fuq iż-żewġ naħat, qsim sħuna ta ‘awto. Għandu jinvolvi l-għoti totali ta ‘lilek innifsek lill-partner tiegħek.